Just a thought on the treatment of Her slave

I just feel like writing. Because then, I can get everything down on "paper" as a means to have an outlet. Because I'm really pent up, and it does things to my mind. I don't even really want to write, I have to catch myself from switching tabs and leaving this writing alone. I don't want to do that. I want to get it out. See, when I get horny, I mean really really horny, I don't want to be a person. I don't want to be viewed as a person. I don't want to be treated like a person. I end up wanting to be a thing. Just a source of amusement that is barely factored into anything. i want to be gagged, and tied, and blindfolded, and given nothing but teasing and torment simply because it's funny. I want to simply exist in this torturous hellspace wherein I just...am. Like the idea I woke up with, and just strapped down to some kind of rolling table, so I can be brought with Mommy, no need to see, to hear, to speak, just a clit and a pussy right there for Her to torture and tease and giggle and enjoy knowing I'm there. The issue I face is that it's hard to explain this, because it sounds like I don't want to be loved and cared for, when I do. I really do. I just don't want it to be as often as it is now. Like, full days doing nothing but being dragged around, teased, beaten and used, and then some loving at the end of the day, to say thank you for taking it all, and to be proud of how much I managed to take and how much I could handle. And then, locked in the cage to await the same fate the next day. Spoken to only when She wants to, touched only when She wants to, just left to wait in the silent darkness for the next agonizing touch, the next round of unendurable teasing. Even left tied up in the cage so I don't forget what I am. I dunno...it's hard to really pin down exactly how I feel about it. Because even typing it, I'm sitting here like, "Do I really want that?" And a big part of my says yes, and a (shrinking) part of me says no. I don't even care if Mommy reads this, I just needed to say it. Love you all! ~ Princess Digit ~